humorprint and art

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For humorous articles backed by reliable research, you'll want to visit these sites created by author, Marjorie Dorfman:

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computer humor
Dont Tech Me In
food humor
Eat, Drink and Really Be Merry

home humor
Home Is Where the Dirt Is

middle age humor
Middle Age and Other Mistakes

culture humor
Pop Goes the Culture

Animal and pets humor
What's New, Emu?

education humor
I Was Absent

Prizewinning Bits of Wit


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Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country
are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns

Television: a medium. So called because it’s neither rare nor well done.
Ernie Kovacs

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.
Robert Frost

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress.
But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

A work of art is useless. So is a flower.
Oscar Wilde

Television: a medium. So called because it’s neither rare nor well done.
Ernie Kovacs

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with,
that it’s compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
Jane Sellman

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
Mae West

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Gloria Steinem

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
Sue Grafton

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.


Some people change their ways when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.
Caroline Schoeder

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

and . . . some new definitions, from a "new word" contest run by the Washington Post:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
Helen Hayes (at 73)

Practice safe eating — always use condiments.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
Carrie Snow

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
Caryn Leschen

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Lily Tomlin

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
Bette Davis

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Totie Fields

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Robert Frost

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; I'm beginning to believe it.
Clarence Darrow

No good deed goes unpunished.
Clare Boothe Luce

Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Yogi Berra

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.
John Ciardi

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.
Abraham Lincoln

She may be good for nothing, but she's not bad for nothing.
Mae West

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car.
Kenneth Tynan

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
Henry Morgan

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
Henry Kissinger

It takes a whole lot of suits to keep a lawyer well-dressed.
Henny Youngman

No one is entirely useless. Even the worst of us can serve as horrible examples.
Anonymous, but a prisoner at State Prison, Salt Lake City

and . . . a few gems from the mind of George Carlyn:
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?