For humorous articles backed by reliable research, you'll want to visit these sites created by author, Marjorie Dorfman:
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Dont Tech Me In
Eat, Drink and Really Be Merry
Home Is Where the Dirt Is
Middle Age and Other Mistakes
Pop Goes the Culture
What's New, Emu?
I Was Absent
Prizewinning Bits of Wit
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Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country
are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. George Burns
Television: a medium. So called because it’s neither rare nor well done. Ernie Kovacs
Poetry is what gets lost in translation. Robert Frost
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress.
But then I repeat myself. Mark Twain
A work of art is useless. So is a flower. Oscar Wilde
Television: a medium. So called because it’s neither rare nor well done. Ernie Kovacs
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. Groucho Marx
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with,
that it’s compounding a felony. Robert Benchley
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man- if you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. Unknown The phrase "working mother" is redundant. Jane Sellman There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. Unknown Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before. Mae West
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. Rhonda Hansome I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. Gloria Steinem I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. Roseanne Barr
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. Sue Grafton
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Unknown
Some people change their ways when they see the light, others when they feel the heat. Caroline Schoeder
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. Unknown and . . . some new definitions, from a "new word" contest run by the Washington Post: Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. Glibido: All talk and no action. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. Unknown
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. Helen Hayes (at 73) Practice safe eating — always use condiments. Unknown Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Unknown A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. Carrie Snow Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show. Unknown Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. Caryn Leschen
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. Lily Tomlin
Old age ain't no place for sissies. Bette Davis
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true. Unknown
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. Unknown
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. Totie Fields
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. Robert Frost
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; I'm beginning to believe it. Clarence Darrow
No good deed goes unpunished. Clare Boothe Luce Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked. Yogi Berra Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea. John Ciardi He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met. Abraham Lincoln She may be good for nothing, but she's not bad for nothing. Mae West
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley
A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car. Kenneth Tynan
Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself. Henry Morgan
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. Henry Kissinger
It takes a whole lot of suits to keep a lawyer well-dressed. Henny Youngman
No one is entirely useless. Even the worst of us can serve as horrible examples. Anonymous, but a prisoner at State Prison, Salt Lake City
and . . . a few gems from the mind of George Carlyn: Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
